Life Lesson #13

Sometimes all you can do is eat candy and stare off into space to pass the time.

Life Lesson # 10

If I go nuts and off myself, make sure my obit says something cool like "died fighting pirates."

Life Lesson #53

Just remember that being a little chubby helps fill out the wrinkles and keeps you looking younger. Also Botox helps with that, too.

Life Lesson #102

It's never good to see an email from your mother in your inbox titled "Facebook."