Life Lesson #25

In real life, you don't need to know math. If you wait long enough, someone else will always do it for you.

This life lesson actually works well for a lot of things you don't feel like doing yourself*: changing a tire, answering the phone, and cleaning up after yourself (this works better if you have a roommate or a maid).

* This list will be updated as required.

Life Lesson #41

Always, always, always delete your ex's phone numbers ASAP. Trust me, your best friends Rum and Coke will make you do terrible things with these numbers and then leave you to deal with the damage control all on your own. That being said, it is also important not to memorize your boyfriend's phone number, so that these same best friends don't tell you its a good idea to try and call him.

Life Lesson #132

Always take something to read anywhere you go. That, or you'll be stuck eating candy and staring off into space.

Life Lesson #32

If you ever find yourself saying," We're so Sammie and Ron," that's a relationship you don't need to be in.

Life Lesson #1

Aunt Mollie and Aunt Jessie will always love you, no matter what. You can call us when you need to, and no matter where we are or what we're doing we'll be there. Even if it means coming with bail money.

Life Lesson #7

Behind even the stinkiest of men, there could be a good guy who brings you a birthday cake. But that doesn't mean you should throw out the air fresheners.

Life Lesson #36

Boys are stupid. Wait as long as possible to date because they'll just screw with your mind.

Life Lesson #19

Be especially careful when drunk texting that you don't accidentally send it to the wrong person. Like your mother.

Life Lesson #34

A highly contagious disease is handy. It will get you out of just about anything. Plus you don't actually have to have it. People just need to think you do. Same goes for explosive diarrhea.

Examples include: Swine flu, Bird flu, really anything with "flu" in the name.