Things That Keep Me Up At Night

Oftentimes when I can't sleep, and it's too late to take ambien/lunesta/tylenol PM, I am hounded by certain profound thoughts.  Where else to keep track of these, besides a blog about my life lessons?

1.  Mr. Fingers.  Does this screen name EVER actually work for anyone on a dating site?  And what kind of guy thinks that this would work?  What kind of woman does it work for?  I find it slightly disturbing.

2. Who ever started the misconception that roosters only crow at dawn?  Or is it only roosters in this country that are mixed up and crow all night long?  And if I go outside, what are the chances that I can catch that bastard?  Would I have the guts to strangle him and hide the body?
 

3. How to manipulate time, space, and people to get what I want. (also linked to #4)

4. What do I want? And more importantly, if I get what I want, will I still want it?

5. If a pregnant lady gets bitten by werewolf/zombie/vampire, will the baby be born a human or a werewol/zombie/vampire?

6. What is the worst baby name in the world, and why do most of them seem to come from people with whom I went to high school? Maybe it was something they subliminally taught us public school and therefore another reason I shouldn't have kids. I might come out with a Cayenne Pepper or Georgia Liberty.

7. Games the Universe plays. Such as reading a Bukowski poem that mentions an author I've never heard of, only to realize that I just bought the very book mentioned. Or getting into a cab which is playing a DVD based on a book I read (and loved - one of my top 5 favorite books ever) in college, which is based on a true story about the exact country and city I just arrived in.

Life Lesson #15

When you meet someone for the first time, and they tell you that they are an assistant to [insert high ranking title here], it is best to clarify the exact meaning of "assistant" and the nature of the positions before taking the relationship to a more personal level.  Especially if this occurs in public.

Unfortunately, this is another situation where my typical defense (i.e. - honest or pretend ignorance "I swear I had no idea!") won't get you very far. 

Life Lesson #14

So I was planning on writing this great and uplifting blog about getting past disappointments in life, seeing them as opportunities, blah blah blah.  And then a funny thing happened. As I was writing it in my head (see also: Things That Keep Me Up At Night), I realized that no matter how old you are, or how you may try to prepare yourself for disappointments, they still suck.

Life Lesson #8

There are some things and some people in life that you will just never understand.  And shit happens.  And easy come, easy go.

The sooner you accept these little pearls of wisdom as facts of the Universe, the less stressful your life will be.  And less stress = fewer wrinkles.  So it's a win-win situation.