Thursday, October 27, 2011
Life Lesson # 75
Always lock your doors. Car doors, house doors, dog doors, doors to your inner thoughts.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Running with the Devil
Running with the Devil
You look so sweet and disheveled
An angel who accidentally wandered out of heaven
Only to find herself in the gritty real world of Man on Earth - a little surprised, a little thrilled.
Turns out it was no accident you wandered out the pearly gates
You knew that Out There was Something Different
You were bored with the perfection and the gossamer gowns.
You possess two things that no good angel has: curiosity and a sense of adventure.
And so you escaped.
The problem is now you don't know how to get back to where you started
You aren't even sure you want to go back.
You have discovered that unlike the other angels you revel in the chaos.
The opposite of heaven makes you feel more alive
And you don't want to give that up for some peaceful old cloud.
And so you stay.
I see you sometimes, running with the Devil these days
Dangling over the edge and rolling in the muck of life.
Somehow you have kept your kindness and a streak of innocence - only God knows how.
You run with the Devil, throwing back shots, daring him ever Onward
But you don't know anymore if you are running to help him chase the Souls of Man
or maybe you chase the Devil's soul for God
or maybe you are just trying to lose your own.
And so you run.
You look so sweet and disheveled
An angel who accidentally wandered out of heaven
Only to find herself in the gritty real world of Man on Earth - a little surprised, a little thrilled.
Turns out it was no accident you wandered out the pearly gates
You knew that Out There was Something Different
You were bored with the perfection and the gossamer gowns.
You possess two things that no good angel has: curiosity and a sense of adventure.
And so you escaped.
The problem is now you don't know how to get back to where you started
You aren't even sure you want to go back.
You have discovered that unlike the other angels you revel in the chaos.
The opposite of heaven makes you feel more alive
And you don't want to give that up for some peaceful old cloud.
And so you stay.
I see you sometimes, running with the Devil these days
Dangling over the edge and rolling in the muck of life.
Somehow you have kept your kindness and a streak of innocence - only God knows how.
You run with the Devil, throwing back shots, daring him ever Onward
But you don't know anymore if you are running to help him chase the Souls of Man
or maybe you chase the Devil's soul for God
or maybe you are just trying to lose your own.
And so you run.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Life Lesson #35
Don't dumb yourself down for boys. Seriously, not only will you regret it, but you will be bored in the meantime. You might get called arrogant, pompous, or cocky. I call it awesome.
Life Lesson #101
Don't poke the tiger in the cage. Seriously. Figure out what your personal tiger is, put it in its cage, and leave it alone. Don't mess with it.
Life Lesson # 20
Grey Goose goggles are WAY worse than beer goggles. I think its all those little feathers getting in your line of vision.
Life Lesson # 28
Save yourself some trouble. The first time someone shows you who they are, just go ahead and believe them.
Life Lesson # 6
A wise man once gave me this tidbit of information, and it has served me well. There is a huge difference between stupid and malicious. Both can be frustrating in their own way, but must they be dealt with differently.
Life Lesson #5
Always have an escape plan. This usually entails driving yourself, having a go-to excuse ("I am just swamped with work/school right now" is perfect - there is no limit to the number of times it can be used, nobody can call you on its truth, and you never have to actually produce any evidence), a fake boyfriend, a code word to text your friends so they can call with an "emergency."
This life lesson can also apply to other aspects of life such as field trips and sucky jobs.
This life lesson can also apply to other aspects of life such as field trips and sucky jobs.
Life Lesson # 27
Mall dates after the age of 13 are a no-go. Who wants to go shopping with a boy anyway?
Life Lesson # 92
What do we do with stupid boys? We ignore them until they come to their senses (or not).
Life Lesson # 30
Sometimes when you wake up with gum in your hair, all you can do is take a pair of scissors, cut it out, and move on.
Life Lesson #44
If someone snores, it's okay to:
a. punch them
b. stick your fingers in their nostrils
c. shove a dirty sock down their throat
d. poke them in the side until they either wake up or roll over
e. put a pillow over their head
f. any combination of the above
In some countries this is also an acceptable defense for homicide.
a. punch them
b. stick your fingers in their nostrils
c. shove a dirty sock down their throat
d. poke them in the side until they either wake up or roll over
e. put a pillow over their head
f. any combination of the above
In some countries this is also an acceptable defense for homicide.
Life Lesson #38
Things it is okay (and perhaps even encouraged) to ask on a first date:
(For ease of reference, I've split them into 3 categories: questions to ask on dates in the US, questions to ask on international dates, and questions that should be asked regardless of location/nationality.)
Dates within the US:
1. Do you live with your parents?
2. Are you a virgin?
Dates outside the US:
1. Do you live with your wife?
2. Do you/have you partaken of hookers?
Any date:
1. How much anime do you watch per week?
2. Do you like Harry Potter erotica?
Also, make sure you check out his nails on the first date (see nail theory)
(For ease of reference, I've split them into 3 categories: questions to ask on dates in the US, questions to ask on international dates, and questions that should be asked regardless of location/nationality.)
Dates within the US:
1. Do you live with your parents?
2. Are you a virgin?
Dates outside the US:
1. Do you live with your wife?
2. Do you/have you partaken of hookers?
Any date:
1. How much anime do you watch per week?
2. Do you like Harry Potter erotica?
Also, make sure you check out his nails on the first date (see nail theory)
Life Lesson #50
No matter how dull (you think) your life may be, nobody really wants to hear about it. The only thing more boring than your own dull life is listening to someone else talk about about theirs. Most importantly, never tell potential dates that you have nothing to do besides work. I mean honestly, if you can't keep yourself entertained, how in the world are you ever going to keep ME entertained?
Okay, back to you: Unless you tell them, nobody will ever know that you spent all weekend eating cookies and watching a Greek marathon and pretending your phone isn't working so you don't have to leave your house.
Okay, back to you: Unless you tell them, nobody will ever know that you spent all weekend eating cookies and watching a Greek marathon and pretending your phone isn't working so you don't have to leave your house.
Life Lesson #33
Someone always has it worse than you. This is an acceptable reason for traveling often - to remind yourself how lucky you are.
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